My sister is flying in for a visit tomorrow and I really should be in bed, getting some rest and preparing for her visit. Instead I’m sitting on the couch feeling my ass go numb again. I spent the last three hours (THREE. HOURS.) drafting an email to a guy that has a furnished house for rent in KC. Since I last wrote, my future plans of traveling to Colorado, California, New Mexico and Quebec have been put on hold. It turns out, I may need to open up my nest again.
Before I go any further and forget, check out the badass sunset I saw tonight! It brought tears to my eyes as I stood there watching the colors paint themselves across the horizon and realized I will have to leave here in a couple of weeks. It seems completely unimaginable that I should ever live anywhere else! How will I ever say goodbye to my beach?
So the reason I may be heading back to the place I swore I’d never return to is because there is someone there I love dearly and who may need me there. One of the foster children I had the pleasure of having with me for a short time in 2012 (when she was 8) was returned to her family after her time with me. JA is an exceptionally bright young lady who has experienced entirely too much hardship in her short life. I have stayed in close contact with her since she returned to her family and have been saddened to see her life continuously disrupted by her parents’ addictions and multiple relapses. She is 15 now and should be in her sophomore year of high school.
Sadly, due to the most recent relapse episode resulting in her father becoming abusive, social services held an emergency court hearing last week in which his custody rights were relinquished and she is now in temporary emergency housing waiting on foster placement. At her age it is difficult to find good foster homes and there is a chance she may have to go into a shelter. Two days ago, upon learning this, I decided to look for a fully furnished rental house in the Kansas City area for the next two years so that I can provide a home for her until she graduates from high school without having to repurchase all of the household furnishings I just sold. As soon as I decided to give it a shot and looked up housing listings on Craigslist, the first listing was for a furnished house in exactly the right area at the perfect price. I’ve decided to apply and if I get it, I’ll take her. How’s that for a sudden change of life? I certainly hope I manage to live long enough to see this through. I would hate to die on her and just add one more thing to her long list of disappointments and home changes. Ugh.
While I am certain about what I want to do in this situation, I am waiting until I know more before I decide exactly what I will do. I’m packing up here so that I may return to KC, meet with JA’s caseworker and get a better sense of things. I will leave Florida on the 31st of this month; arriving sometime in the middle of that first week in February. I’ll visit with JA and get reacquainted with her first; reserving my final decision until after I’ve had a chance to get a a sense of what I’m getting into with her. She was the easiest of my foster children to raise and when she was 8 she was so honest, mature and well behaved, I often commented that she seemed more like an old spirit than her young child self. But all the turmoil has taken its toll on her and the past few years she has turned into quite the handful. She got angry with a girl in her school last year and set her hair on fire and, while I have to admit I respect her style, I am not sure I am ready to handle that kind of spunk in my own home. I have no idea what I’m going to end up doing.
Since I’m feeling all conflicted and angsty about that, instead of doing laundry and cleaning up the condo to prepare for my sister’s visit tomorrow, I went to the store and bought a tub of Blue Bell ice cream and a bottle of chocolate Magic Shell. Since I’ve gotten back from the store, I’ve eaten two bowls. It’s almost midnight and I still have so much to do! But first…maybe a little more ice cream. lol
See? Totally self defeating…but consistent!