I Am Ready

It’s time. I need to let these this roll. I have these things I want to write. I am afraid to say them because I’m afraid I’ll Bret in trouble. Even as I let these words move from the safe space in my mind where they’ve whirled for so long into this big sticky gooey…Read more »

Ah…So That’s What Happened

I found a note on my phone that I don’t remember writing. It was written in the middle of the night a couple of months ago….the night one of my alters took my body out on a Lyft ride for nicotine, caffeine, refined sugar and (apparently?) some hot nasty sex. Three out of four targets…Read more »


Teddy was a two-foot teddy bear from before my earliest memories in childhood who stayed with me almost my entire life. He had cardinal red fur with white hears, nose and paws. I don’t think he was an expensive toy…he made a plastic-y crinkling sound when I squished him and his fur was cheap and…Read more »

Lies I Told Myself

One of the byproducts of my divided mind is the divided pieces and parts of the life I lived. Compartmentalization is a natural offshoot, if not a necessary one, when you have multiple distinct personalities living within yourself. While my life today is spent almost exclusively in the compartment of “isolation for the purpose of…Read more »

A Time to Grieve

It’s been a while since I’ve written. Actually, it’s been a while since I’ve done anything. Since my last post documenting my unconscious excursion into the night, I’ve been seeking unconsciousness as an escape from existence. On average, for the past several weeks, I have been sleeping at least 18 hours a day…usually more. My…Read more »

Shaken to the Core

I’m sitting in my favorite chair in silence; feeling relaxed and safe, wondering what I will do today. It’s warm outside and I can feel the sun through the sliding glass door next to me. I can faintly hear the sound of children playing in the courtyard just beneath my balcony. The refrigerator hums loudly…Read more »

A Little Note to Tomorrow Me

I don’t want to write this post. Normally I would just figure out a way to rationalize away any reason to actually pick up my laptop and put these thoughts out into the ether. But then, through a recent discovery about myself and after much procrastination, I finally sat down and started this note to…Read more »

To Be Continued…

It’s easier at the end of the day to lie in bed and think of all the things I did wrong. It’s easy to think of the things that make me sad, bring the waves of shame and sometimes even make me wonder if I should call my Shrink again. Tonight is one of those…Read more »