Teddy

Teddy was a three-foot teddy bear from before my earliest memories in childhood who stayed with me almost my entire life. He had cardinal red fur with white hears, nose and paws. I don’t think he was an expensive toy…he made a plastic-y crinkling sound when I squished him and his fur was cheap and…Read more »

Lies I Told Myself

One of the byproducts of my divided mind is the divided pieces and parts of the life I lived. Compartmentalization is a natural offshoot, if not a necessary one, when you have multiple distinct personalities living within yourself. While my life today is spent almost exclusively in the compartment of “isolation for the purpose of…Read more »

A Time to Grieve

It’s been a while since I’ve written. Actually, it’s been a while since I’ve done anything. Since my last post documenting my unconscious excursion into the night, I’ve been seeking unconsciousness as an escape from existence. On average, for the past several weeks, I have been sleeping at least 18 hours a day…usually more. My…Read more »

Shaken to the Core

I’m sitting in my favorite chair in silence; feeling relaxed and safe, wondering what I will do today. It’s warm outside and I can feel the sun through the sliding glass door next to me. I can faintly hear the sound of children playing in the courtyard just beneath my balcony. The refrigerator hums loudly…Read more »

A Little Note to Tomorrow Me

I don’t want to write this post. Normally I would just figure out a way to rationalize away any reason to actually pick up my laptop and put these thoughts out into the ether. But then, through a recent discovery about myself and after much procrastination, I finally sat down and started this note to…Read more »

To Be Continued…

It’s easier at the end of the day to lie in bed and think of all the things I did wrong. It’s easy to think of the things that make me sad, bring the waves of shame and sometimes even make me wonder if I should call my Shrink again. Tonight is one of those…Read more »

Switcheroo

As I joined my mat on the floor for my first yoga class in almost two weeks, my body groaned, cramped and rebelled and the yoga instructor said “I want you to practice mindfulness with a mantra tonight. Find something to tell yourself that encourages you to keep going.” Usually, while I find all the…Read more »

She

She isn’t nasty. But she’s always acted nasty and felt nasty.  When she was younger, she had a “nasty” but then she became nasty.  She doesn’t have a name, she has a label.  She doesn’t have a life, she has a purpose. She slays. Sensuality as her shield and sexuality is her sword.   She…Read more »